Für den nicht unwahrscheinlichen Fall, dass man sich so mirnichtsdirnichts in einen Horrorfilm wieder findet, bietet diese Seite 304 lebens- und überlebensnotwendige Tipps, extrahiert und konzentriert aus ca. 666 Horrorfilmen

Damit hat Michael Myers keine Chance, Mike Freddy Krüger kann sich wieder schlafen legen und Ronald McDonald Pennywise sich schonmal abschminken.

Damit ihr nicht alle 304 durchlesen müsst, gibt´s hier die zehn wichtigsten Tipps, damit überlebt ihr immerhin schonmal die ersten fünf Minuten:

1.) Regel Nr. 5: As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

2.) Regel Nr. 12: Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead.

3.) Regel Nr. 30: If you realize that the people in your town/county are having their minds taken over by some strange force, alien or otherwise: DO NOT call the police as they are

1. either already taken over themselves and will turn you in or
2. will not believe you and laugh at you.

Either way, you must handle the problem yourself

4.) Regel Nr. 51: Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.

5.) Regel Nr. 111: Don’t explode A-Bombs in the Arctic, South Sea atolls, or deep beneath the ocean. These locations are thickly inhabited with survivors from the prehistoric past. (Not to mention the blob, giant octopi, etc.)

6.) Regel Nr. 185 (ganz wichtig): Never be funnier than the main character.

7.) Regel Nr. 196: If you rise from the dead, you’d better learn to like human flesh, ’cause you’re gonna eat some. (isklar)

8.) Regel Nr. 218: NEVER say to your friends: “Whatever you do, don’t say _____,” and say the magic word that invokes the evil spirit.

9.) Regel Nr. 253: If you have the unfortunate luck to appear in an Italian zombie film, just stand around and wait for them to get you. What the heck, you’re lunch no matter what happens.

10.) Regel Nr. 272: Choose your friends and relatives wisely.
Good choices:

1. chaste teenage girls
2. any preteen girls (excluding those who stand in circles and act like adults or speak in someone else’s voice, as cited above)
3. good dogs
4. younger assistants to world-famous scientists.

Bad choices:

1. security guards
2. law-enforcement and other municipal officials
3. teachers/professors
4. executives of companies with questionable environmental/ scientific practices
5. psychiatrists specialized in criminal pathology
6. obnoxious ex-boyfriends of chaste teenage girls
7. and of course promiscuous teenage girls.

10.) Nr. 394: If the young girls of the neighborhood sing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.